Flash(in') in the Pan-Indian Sub(in)continent
"The First "Film" Ever I" made with .Macromedia Flash MX....
...can be viewed and heard, LARGER
and CLEARER,in the 2003
~ .800x600
pixel <loopily-looping>.
~
original, HERE...ER :
Flash(in') in the Pan-Indian Sub(in)continent
Flash(in') in the Pan-Indian
Sub(in)continent Loopy Looping Original
~ Thursday November 6 2003 ~
However, that's on a loop (and a
(good ?)
Jekyll & Hyde-ing to nothing) so you'll probably
want to vacate with vitesse...or peep at the
(high quality, as of August
2009,) YouTube
version with its handy "Stop,
Stop, Stop all
the dancing" controls.
The calmer Kama
Sutra song, this mildly cheeky
nudity new ditty, is too oblique to pretend it could
contend to offend ; unless Kermit
will not permit
poly-positional "performance".
The words were animated in .SWiSHMax.
before
being imported into .Flash
MX.. Their font is
sqwirly and the vocal squealy so here are
the lyrics "laid bare" :
NARRATOR :
He says
he's got no future
He says he's shot
his bolt
He says the Kama Sutra
Was what first exposed his fault
He never
was too supple
Some things aren't meant to bend
And so if you're keen to couple
Just be sure that you suspend
Unrealistic
notions
Of elasticity
And twist your louche devotions
From their depravity
(Who needs gravity ?)
She likes
it umop apisdn
But he won't play wheelbarrows
Green-fingered silk dressing-gown
Would distract him from the throes
Coyly
teasin' him
Sometimes squeezin' him
Always cheesin' him
Off
WALDORF :
Hey Statler !
STATLER :
Yeah, what ?!
WALDORF :
Is that it ?
STATLER :
Yes, it's over - how'd you like it ?
WALDORF :
Hhhhrrr, I don't know, I slept through the whole thing.
STATLER :
Well, you didn't miss much.
NARRATOR :
Here's space for a cough... [COUGH]
------------------------------------------------------------
With a single-scene view permanently populated
by a mainly muted cast of (ooo - at least 11)
probable outcasts : swiftly dominated by and
distracted from by over-laid (if under-paid)
base-block block-based fizzily-twizzerly textual
trapeezery, some (.summary.)
.freeze.
frames
are in order... ...in order to ID the (V.I.P.)
passers-by.
Without my shouting "Red
Carpet !", at the
appropriate moment, (er, and @ YOU) you
mightn't acknowledge the <arrival> of the
King ...and exactly WHICH (Kinky ?) (Crinkly ?)
(King
he is/was (in a Tiswas ?) may influence
how hoppily or happily you "Bow
Down, Mister"
to trill and thrill at his "II"
<coming>. Is it jeers
or "Three Cheers !" for Piers
and his peers ?
Pierre Patel's "Landscape with Ruins"...
Peopled by shepherds, temple worshippers
and the washing (yet unwashed ?), this static
background is Pierre Patel's "Landscape with
Ruins" not to be confused with Pierre Patel's
"Landscape with Ruins" (!) which may be a
"rear view" (if not a RARE view) of a lone
(merely mire-ly) "mirror"ed
locale. Both of
these same-named pictures share very
similar compositional content - i.e. some
decrepit classical architecture plop-dropped
into a bucolic bridge-breached bog.
Such
elements are evident also in 1656's "Italianate
Landscape" and 1697's "A Classical Landscape".
The late date of the final work draws attention
to the <addition>al fact that Pierre Patel Snr.
could (Go forth and)
<multiply> more than
paintings. Pierre Patel is not to be confused
with Pierre-Antoine Patel.
I wonder if he was confused BY him.
Perhaps, if so, his (supposed) son asked him
to
step aside...
...not to be confused with Pierre Patel's "Landscape with Ruins""
...but not to step
IN anything left (timely-ly)
behind the behinds of the (more than four)
four-footed wading and drinking critters. In
the oval picture, the ovine have been surpassed
by the divine bovine, sacred
cows as at home in
the loam of the gungy Ganges
as roaming in
the Roman gloamin' whilst as <full of bull>
as Europe's Europa.
Let us cross (species) and continents
to mix mythologies, meeting,
Can a beau with a bow be a "*STUPID* Cupid" ?
from left to right, all a-quiver
if not all a-shiver
(where we might seek (if not Sikh)
Shiva),
the
infecting infant Cupid,
next - his mother :
Venus - not baulking at Bjork
"as
a Boy" but
skillfully strumming her "lute" (for loot ?) as a
keener (not keening) veena
player, then a true
"hanger-on" : a performer of
the Indian
Rope
Trick, a
tabla-tapping percussive primate, a
woman with a wheelbarrow and
two
clever cleaver wielders - chipper chirpy
chappies with their swish (Swiss) cheesy
((non-)chomping ?) choppers out.
He says he's got no future
The first written line : "He
says he's got
no future" is twisted and illustrated by TWO
plotted lines from a financial "Futures"
graph.
The text speaks of insecurity, the image
represents what are known, highly
questionably, as <securities>.
Hmm. Listen, if you please, to the TEASE
in (in)securities...
He says he's shot his bolt
Although the firing toddler may not agree
that it is generally difficult to "make out", it
IS definitely hard to <make out> his narrow
arrow as its heart-crafted shaft heads for
the dread (undead) head (un)dead ahead.
There are multiple meanings for "shot his bolt".
VISUALLY
Cupid has shot his bolt
by releasing
a dart of desire.
Having successfully targetted and struck the
metal that is presumably as much of a
"pain in the neck" to Frankenstein's Monster
as any vampire could be counted
upon to be,
Cupid (or Cupid's Arrow) has ALSO struck
that glinting, throat-lodged, rod and
therefore shot his
bolt.
TEXTUALLY
The straight narrative : "He
says he's got
no future, He says he's shot his bolt,"
details a character, in no specified circumstance,
giving in to despair, having given his all.
SEXUALLY
<Come, come> - obviously, in a carnal
context, the gentleman related is incapable
of being "fashionably late". "She" (introduced
in a later stanza) can't <come too> when
"He" can't <come to> because "He" came to
swoon when "He" came too soon..."He"
came,
swore, when he saw he was sore, and
conked out.
Nothing LIKE Concorde...and
no sign of
Barry (Marsh)manilow.
He says the Kama Sutra, Was what first exposed his fault
Is it a slut's slit slotted behind a manky
monkey or is HIS "fault"
not premature
ejaculation but(t) a Californian
geographical feature ?
He never was too supple, Some things aren't meant to bend
Um.....: "RED
CARPET !!!!" This is the
<red carpet moment> as the mystery
monarch emerges from the murk (a
merkin-less merman,
as far as
we can tell).
~ A Right Royal Pain in the Bum ~
Our H.R.H. is King
Edward II - not the
spuddy buddy uber-tuber ruler - THAT was
King Edward VII, a much, much later
successor for whom the "royal flush" of
"poker playing" was not to extend from
"Strip"
to "R.I.P.".
The earliest twentieth century "Ted"
was
given his <head>
and made no amends
for "sticky ends"...whilst his Plantagenet
forbear, deemed to be as much of a "bender"
as his sceptre becomes when he prods the
Indian Rope Trick adept above, was not "
redeemed" but manually
despatched as
"unmanly" in the
most terrifically,
horrifically inhumane
manner.
Was the first Prince of Wales the last
Prince of Wails...or was his sorry end a
RUMOUR mongered by Marlowe-life
mongrels ? gravity ?"]
Who needs gravity ?
The Police Box as TARDIS
(it's never tardy,
but ever tidy) references Doctor
Who as
the who who's "Who".
<Woo-Hoo !>.... if not Woo Who
There is levity in "gravity"'s discovery being
indicated by a <defiant fruit> fresh from
bonking
the bonce of Sir
Isaac Newton.
She likes it upside down
Someone who has "been made to do it in
his pants" (main reference to G.B.
P.E.
rather than pee, poo, Peek-a-Boo or things
that are more taboo than goo in the loo (or
your (binned) vindaloo))
"curries favour" (for
favours) and "bends
over backwards" to suit
the suitor who "likes it upside down".
But he won't play wheelbarrows, Green-fingered silk dressing-gown
Further euphemisms abound. The apple,
we recently encountered as a tempting
foodstuff, linking Newton
to Eden,
has been
caught by a "lady- gardener"
in the
scarlet "wheelbarrow" that she loves to
handle the (love)
handles of. This rudely
ruddy receptacle alludes not only to her
vagina but also to the sort of inverted (if
not introverted) coital position that
might meet with her ((well-met)
meat's)) approval.
I've said nothing overt
about fingering,
"cheese" or if "Green" designates...
Coyly teasin' him, Sometimes squeezin' him, Always cheesin'
him, Off
...any of or only garments,
envy,
neophytism or haughty whore-ty culture.
It's over/It's ova - don't keep all your eggs in
one basket - place them in a PUNnet, innit ?
Statler IS overt with his statement
:
"...it's over," triggering a laden-punnet
"it's ova"
punning visual gag
(as bad and
whisk-y as any barrel-scraping hokey
pokey yolk joke).
When Americans ask for their eggs to be
"over easy", are they just chortling about
saying "ovaries-ie" ?
"Well, you didn't miss much,"
"Well, you didn't miss much," Statler continues
to grouse (suggesting that it was the layings
of that "Famous"
bird that were "all in (the)
one basket(-case) we just espied being tossed.
This explains the whisky-ness.
...and why a roller-skating unicorn'd
be no
cause for comment.
Here's space for a cough
Just as the TARDIS hurtled into outer space,
a dog-house is gifted, in return, to the Earth
from the Universe. The disembodied lungs
indicate that the "space
for a cough" there
is space for a Kennel
Cough.
Here's space for a cough,<COUGH !>
Sounds a bit like "Rock off !" ; so if you're
"off your rocker" and can't "get your rocks
off" ROCK OF(F !) (gibbering Gibraltar).
~
PRODUCTION
PERIOD MAIN MEMORIES
General excitement about new software and
audio-visual synchronisation.
MIGHT'VE
MADE ITS
Alan Titchmarsh, Bungee Jumping,
Mechanical Cranes, Rulers, Sheep,
The Phoenix, Weightlifters,
William Tell and Zeus
~